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I, a privileged white woman with an incredibly strong support system, rarely enjoy giving advice. You do you. No hate, no shade. To each their own. You've heard it all before.

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However, recent experiences, along with some not-as-recent events, compelled me to write... emm... to *advise.* So here we are, with lots of shade.

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My advice is this... I strongly encourage you to dump your gynecologist (men should not be gynecologists), pcp, psychiatrist, dentist, therapist, longest care team member or all of the above if they aren't picking up what you're putting down. Please please please find healthcare providers who see you, hear you, listen to you, and advocate for your health. You are not a lost cause. You are not an experiment. You are not weak or wrong for needing assistance. If it is urgent to you, it is urgent. If it matters to you, it matters.

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Highly rated and ranked professionals can be wonderful. They can also be complete assholes. We do not need more assholes in positions of power. Not men. Not women. Not one. You with me? You don’t have to accept the opinions of assholes. You shouldn’t, really.

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You don't need an off-the-beaten path approach to treating a diagnosed medical condition. You don't need to be honing your self-care habits if you'd benefit from community care. Some diets and exercise are great. They aren’t cures. You don't need any comment or advance that gives you the ick. Not one. Not an ounce of it. Not at a doctor's office. Not in the dentist's chair. Not on your watch.

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Let the first red flag be the biggest and brightest. Be selective as hell when choosing who gets to care for and about you. Our systems are broken; you are not.

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As a human being with 37 years of experiences seeing "professionals" in a plethora of fields, I've gotten really good at navigating a lot of bullshit, advice that is insensitive, and comments that could and should be cause for concern - way beyond cause for concern. If I was ruthless, he'd be investigated by the Board; out of a practice. And she'd have a scathing review detailing how not to treat people.

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Dismissiveness sucks and has no place in healthcare. I've stuck with many whom I should have run from. I've found the highest rated, most decorated, doctors and even they failed to meet adequate standards. Even they came up short. Even they don't belong on anyone's care team, if I'm being honest and transparent.

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You know you best. Be an advocate for yourself. Seek a second, third, fourth opinion. Don’t settle. Try not to be too discouraged, even while the world tries its best to doubt you. You are not alone in your health journey.

A secret: this applies to friends and family, too. This mentality extends far beyond healthcare. Be judicial in who's included in your circle.

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When I fell into legal trouble a few years ago, I hired a great lawyer. I hired him, a kind and intelligent man, and stuck with him until I found better. The better lawyer kept me out of jail. Did I feel bad for moving on from Mr. Kind and Intelligent? Yes. Did it work out in my favor? Absolutely. The better lawyer did what no one else could have.

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As RAYE sings "... 'Cause I'm a woman

I'm a very fucking brave strong woman

And I'll be damned if I let a man ruin

How I walk, how I talk, how I do it" may we all carry this type of empowerment forever and ever.

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Ask me about how a doctor once told me "you saved your mother's life" by standing in an ER demanding quick attention. I looked and sounded crazy until the right people took me seriously, and my mom lived. Ask me about how an x-ray changed a nurse's bedside manner. Ask me about how a dentist, and a psychiatrist, became wildly inappropriate with shocking ease. Ask me about how I fought back, and continue to.

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'Cause I'm a woman

I'm a very fucking brave strong woman

And I'll be damned if I let a man ruin

How I walk, how I talk, how I do it...

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[My advice has come to an end].

Peace and love, friends